And It Was Wrong

Woke up to you touching me

I met you online through one of the popular dating sites. I didn't meet you on craigslist or anywhere that felt skeevy, just one of the online sites many of my friends and co-workers were also on.

We messaged back and forth a few times and I thought you seemed cool. You cared about your work and you really loved your dog. Only good guys love their dogs, right?

We went on a date to a bar close to your house and had a pretty good time. I thought you seemed a little self-centered but gave you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you were just nervous and talking a lot.

You invited me back to your house after the drink to watch a movie. We settled on the couch and you put your arm around me. I had seen the movie before and at some point I fell asleep. I think I fell asleep leaning up against you which means I felt good. Safe.

I wasn't safe. I woke up to you, still with your arm around me, but now with that hand trying to quietly slip under my dress and get my panties down. What seemed worse, though, was that your other hand had opened your own pants and you were masturbating next to me.

I was so panicked when I realized what was happening but for a minute I didn't know what to do. I don't know why I was so scared of just calling you out on it, jumping up and asking what the hell you were doing. For some reason that seemed scary, though. Instead I started moving slowly like I was just waking up. I acted like I was too groggy to realize that you shot your hand away from me and shoved yourself back inside your pants.

When I "woke up" you pretended like nothing had been going on, which tells me you knew it was not OK. You said if I was tired I was welcome to sleep with you in your bed. What killed me was that you said "I promise to be a gentleman." If I hadn't known what you had just been doing, I might have trusted you and accepted the offer of a place to crash. It scares me to think what could have happened if I'd been laying in your bed instead of curled awkwardly next to you on the couch.

I politely declined your offer (why did I feel the need to be nice?!) and said I was going to drive home. I even let you kiss me goodbye. I felt so scared to do anything else. I don't know exactly what I was scared of, but acknowledging what you had done felt very scary. You said you had a great time and would call me. I smiled, nodded and said goodnight.

You called. I didn't answer. You called again. I didn't answer. You sent me a message on the dating site telling me that if I didn't want to see you again I could at least not be a bitch about it. I closed my account on the site. I am still scared to see you around town.

I wish there was a way to let the other women out there know what you might try with them. I wonder how many times you'd done something like that before. I wonder what red flags I missed or if there's just no way to tell.

You had no reason to think I wanted you to do what you did. But you did it anyway and it was wrong.

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