And It Was Wrong

Took the only safe space I had.

We had met on a popular online forum. We had bonded over the course of a few months, with no real red flags. Finally, we met each other (and it turned out we only lived an hour away). When we started dating, he introduced me to drugs and alcohol. His best friend was always around, and one night, he coerced me into drinking to "keep up with him," but I soon blacked out. We had discussed my discomfort of having intoxicated sex, and he said he wouldn't.

When I woke up, I had a shooting pain in my lower rear body, and there was blood. When I asked him what happened, he said "Nothing, you went to sleep."

Later that day, his friend took me aside and told me that my ex had had anal sex with me (another really big "no" for me). I was terrified of confronting him, or telling anyone, because my mom had shamed me so long about sex that they would have judged me for how drunk I had been (I thought I wouldn't be believed).

I broke up with him that May after he (while high) got us into a car accident. Later I found out that he had hoped I would get pregnant at some point, so I would have to stay with him. I figured that gave me a safe out without risking having to say anything. He moved away and got married within the span of a year, and is starting a new family. He still frequents that forum and friends of mine still speak to him. I cannot return there, even though I need my friends, because I cannot bring myself to tell them what he did.

He violated my trust, my body, and my security.
And it was wrong.

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