And It Was Wrong

It wasn't a date

He was a boy from my youth group a few years older than me. I was a freshman and he was a senior. He was the kind of guy that all the moms loved. They thought he was “such a nice boy.” He and I had become friends over the last few months and I felt special that an older guy wanted to be friends with me.

One night he called and asked if I wanted to hang out. I was in kind of a down place that year and was excited to have plans. My mom wanted to know exactly what we’d be doing and he said he wanted to take me to go get bubble tea. My brother teased me that it was a date and I rolled my eyes. It was absolutely not a date, I said. I would surely know if it was a date. It couldn’t be a date without my knowledge, right?

I remember thinking that bubble tea was gross. The tea was OK, but those chewy things on bottom were disgusting. He put his arm around me on the couch at the teashop, which I thought was weird, but I figured it was fine.

He suggested that we go to the park. It was a cold night and we sat huddled together. Then without much warning he leaned over and kissed me. I didn’t really want to be kissing him but I didn’t know how to say that. I pulled away and said something like “let’s just sit.” I let him keep his arm around me—I remember thinking that’s something a friend would do. A few minutes later he tried kissing me again. I sort of laughed it off and started blabbering about something just to fill the silence. I think I said I was cold. He suggested looking at the stars and I was relieved—having an activity would help. We lay down to look at the stars and he laughed at me. “Come here,” he said, “why are you so far away?” I moved closer. He quickly rolled on top of me and started moving against me. Now I know that the term is “dry humping” but then I didn’t know what he was doing. He was just rubbing his crotch against me and moaning. I just lay there not knowing what to do. Finally he shuddered and went still. Groaning happily, he pulled me toward him and sort of forced my head onto his shoulder. He kissed my forehead and said “We should do this again soon.”

I was so confused. I remember thinking “I guess this was a date after all.” Looking back on this with more than ten years behind me, I realize how messed up it was that I thought that a friend forcing himself on me made it a date. I wish I could go back and tell my 14 year old self that no, it wasn’t a date. I made it clear that I didn’t want him to be kissing me or touching me and he did anyway and it was wrong.

Read more stories