And It Was Wrong

First date

I had recently gotten out of a long-term relationship that ended badly and my friends convinced me to try online dating. I exchanged a few messages with people but hadn't found anyone I really wanted to get together with until I got a message from a guy named Steve. We messaged back and forth for a little over a week. We talked about our jobs and the things we liked to do. He talked a lot about his dog and had a lot of pictures of his dog in his profile pictures, which I thought was cute.

We set up a first date at a local bar. He suggested I pick a bar close to my house so that it was convenient for me to get to. We had a good date and I hoped he would want to see me again. Around 11pm I said I should leave as I had to work in the morning. Neither of us had drank very much (though in hindsight he did keep trying to buy me drinks, I just said no) but he said he wanted to sober up a little before driving home and asked if he could come rest on the couch at my house since it was so close. I was surprised, since he hadn't drank much, but I hadn't gotten bad vibes from him and thought it was good that he was being so responsible about being sober before driving.

I told him he was welcome to rest, but I needed to get ready for bed so I could get enough rest before work in the morning. I always shower at night and while I felt a little weird about showering with him in the apartment, I didn't know when he would feel sober enough to leave. I gave him the TV remote and told him to make help himself to water or anything else he needed and I was going to shower and get ready for bed.

After I had been in the shower a few minutes I heard the bathroom door open. I was uncomfortable, but assumed maybe he had to pee and this was the only bathroom in the house. Without saying anything, he got in the shower and pushed me against a wall. I yelled out and asked what he was doing but he said he was doing what he knew I wanted. He had his hands between my legs at this point and said to just relax and it'd be over soon. I said stop but he penetrated me and all the energy went out of my body. I do remember thinking that if he really thought I wanted it, why would he think I would want it to be over soon? Did he know I didn't want it? Sometimes I think yes and sometimes I think no.

When he was finished he got out of the shower. I stood there with the water running over me, shaking. He said he felt sober enough to drive and thanks for a great night. He said he'd call me. He left.

He did call me a couple of times. I didn't answer. He left two messages about getting together. In his third and final message, he called me a "tease."

I told my friends I had a bad date but nothing more than that. I still don't know whether it was rape or not. I said stop, but I didn't fight him once he did it. Whatever it was it wasn't OK and it was wrong.

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